Start the New Year with Self-Compassion

As I write this it is January 8^th 2024. I don’t know about you but my Instagram feed, TV, and radio full of ads for ‘New Year, New You’, Time to shred, use this diet, that diet etc.

It’s hard not to get caught up in the whirl of New Year’s Resolutions. If you have (over-) indulged over the holiday period it can be a way of punishing ourselves for our perceived excesses and weaknesses.

I’ve heard time and time again from people that I am ‘very hard on myself’. However, it was 5 years ago that a coach said that to me and then asked, ‘have you heard of self-compassion?’. Before this I had almost worn my self-flagellation as a badge of honour and really thought it was how I had achieved everything ‘good’ in my life. How wrong I was!

 This year why not try to be kinder to yourself?

Setting a resolution or goal is, in itself, not a bad thing. I love a good goal, having something to work towards. However, how we set resolutions and how we treat ourselves whilst attempting to achieve them can be the difference between a life of stress and a life of peace.

This year as you work towards your goals and dreams, here are a couple of points to remember!

1. Be realistic: you are human, and you will slip up at some stage. For example, strict diets/ gym regimens etc. are impossible to permanently maintain. Life happens, you may slip up, just don’t let that derail you.
2. Be patient: In a world where everything is instant, it is tempting to try to change everything at once. This is also incredibly difficult, indeed impossible, to do. Take it one step at a time, one goal at a time.
3. Be kind: when you notice yourself being hard on yourself, berating yourself for a slip up (or multiple slip-ups), take a pause and ask yourself: What would I say to my sister/ best friend in this case? We often use a tone of voice in our internal dialogue that we would never dream of using externally.
4. Be honest: Take a moment of pause to acknowledge what we really desire for our lives. I have signed up for 5k’s previously as friends have asked me to, even though I don’t enjoy running. We can be easily swayed and influenced by other people or external advertising. Again, take a pause, own your own desires and then you will own your own future.

Self-compassion can be our friend when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions. Treating ourselves with compassion allows us to be happy when we are working on achieving our goals but also allows us to cut ourselves some slack when we slip-up. I love the model of Mindful Self-Compassion as described by Kristin Neff. The three components of Mindful Self-compassion are:

1. Mindfulness: We have to be aware to acknowledge that we are struggling or suffering.
2. Common Humanity: We acknowledge that we aren’t the only person that is not perfect! For me this stops the self-pity/flagellation party!
3. Kindness to self: We change the narrative from berating ourselves to supporting ourselves with compassion.

 For example, we have set a resolution that we will work-out three time a week for the next year. One week in and we sleep in and miss our workout. Often our thoughts (even subconsciously!) can be:

"Gosh I’m useless, I can never stick to anything. Everyone else is managing to keep their resolutions, what’s wrong with me? I may as well give up. I’m a total failure."

 Doesn’t exactly inspire you to keep going with your goals, does it?!

With self-compassion, we can change the internal narrative.

‘So I slept through my alarm today and missed my workout. I feel like a failure but in reality I know it is easy to do. I must have been very tired. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to miss my workout this morning. It’s not the end of the world, I can workout later/tomorrow instead. Look how well I have done to this point, and I feel so much better for it that I want to keep going.’

Self-compassion with mindfulness is a tool that we can all benefit from bringing into our lives. We can achieve anything we desire and be kind to ourselves whilst getting there!

I hope you enjoyed this post, let me know your thoughts below.